The ultimate in sarcasm known for his glasses nose and mustache
is Groucho Marx,
Born 1890 N.Y.
Performed at the Palace Theater, in comedy, with his brothers.,
Had 3 wives and made 26 movies
Died 1977 three days after Elvis Presley.
He was the subject of an urban legend about a supposed response to a contestant
who had over a dozen children which supposedly brought down the house.
In response to Marx asking in disbelief why she had so many children,
the contestant replied "I love my husband,"
to which Marx responded,
"I love my cigar, but I take it out once in a while."
Groucho often asserted in interviews that this exchange never took place
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America.
They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be.Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
. Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I guess you can say you can tell this book by its cover.
It has Groucho Marx written all over it
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold is such a person.
He's often been asked: 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?"
Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine."