Sunday, February 28, 2010









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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Lady's Select Jokes

“Waiter, I am going to order broiled skinless chicken breast, but I want you to make a mistake

And bring me lasagna with garlic bread.”


Salads Don’t Help you lose weight either.

If you put a crouton on your sundae, instead of a cherry, it counts as a salad.


One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.


Loll Happy Eatin!!!


Did you hear about the two little kids in a hospital who were lying next to each other? The first kid leans over and asked, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid said," You've got nothing to worry about, I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"
The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"
The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."
The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"


A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

Maradona Life is Life

Life is = OPUS

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


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There is an interesting story about a husband and wife driving down a highway.
The wife saw the husband looking past her into the woods .
A tear came down his cheek.

She wanted to know why he was crying.

He told her he remembered what his Dad, who passed away now,
told him a long time ago about Pine trees.
He was 8 years old, it was spring and they went fishing.

His Dad said Pine trees know when it's Easter.

Two weeks before Easter, the new shoots begin to grow.
The tallest shoot will branch off and form a cross just weeks before Easter.

It was one week before Easter .
The wife looked out the window and saw what her husband saw.

The spruce trees were full of yellow shoots and they were
full of crosses.

It is amazing what effect parents have on their children.
A small thing a parent tells a child, stays with him and
memories emerge when least expected.

Crosses you bear and pass in life's journey appear everywhere and cannot be escaped.

It brought the husband and wife closer, to share an intimate moment from the past,
that will repeat over and over again every Easter, no matter what a country's political
agenda is.

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman: "Unfertilized."
The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."

you are my everything -

Monday, February 15, 2010

the Pope and Tiger Woods

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The Pope and Tiger Woods died on the same day and, because of an
administrative mix up, the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to
heaven. The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and
after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.

"However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be
rectified". Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven
and they stop to have a chat.

"Sorry about the mix up", apologies the Pope
"No problem" replied Tiger Woods
Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven"
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Tiger: "You're a day late"

Sunday, February 14, 2010

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Tom Jones - Without Love

On Valentine's Day we think of those
Who make our lives worthwhile,
Those gracious, friendly people who
We think of with a smile.

I am fortunate to know you,
That's why I want to say,
To a rare and special Person
Happy Valentine's Day!

By Joanna Fuchs

Sending to the World my best wishes for this special day.
Valentine's Day does not need to be solely for people in relationships.

Love is your soul's aura , the warmth of which is felt by every one
through smiles, kindness, and free spirit.


Today the world is in Love and it is


whats forever for?


Be My Valentine

A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity gets the better of him. He goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.


Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

It was Valenswine's Day!


What do you call a very small valentine?

A valentiny!


What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?

"Be my valenstein!"


more songs:

Hey Paula

Paul Anka - Diana

Tom Jones

Saturday, February 13, 2010


The opening ceremonies in Vancouver , BC was nothing short of spectacular!!

It made me proud to be a Canadian.

It was not an easy feat to accomplish but Canadians pulled it together, for the great Athletes, the world is so proud of.
Young men and women, who worked hard to achieve something good enough,
to present to the world.

Our sons and daughters competing, strong, determined, happy,
setting examples for the world to follow.

My heart is full and all I can say is


At a glance it's easy to understand that nothing in life is impossible.
You need to dig in and work towards your successes in life.
You cannot fail, unless you stop trying.

On February 12th the clouds in Vancouver skies formed the Olympic circles of peace.

It was awesome!!!

LOVE HURTS - Nazareth

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Don't Mind If I Do

Now I can't see anything better than sitting down and putting your feet up.
Of course not that high up but
just enough to get the blood flowin to where it belongs. lol

The rest is easy enough,
a good fishin book, a nudge of brandy and a hat to keep the sun off outta your eyes.

Life is GOOOD!

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

My mother in law started walking
five miles a day when she was 80.
Now she's 81 years old
and we don't know where the hell she is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour place;
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them instead!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


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Happy Birthday on Sax

I remember February 11th When I gave birth to my sweet little bald eagle.
He came fast once he decided to come.

It was the coldest day of the year and I had him bundled up so well, afraid he would breath the extremely cold air outside and catch his death.

The streets were covered in snow and ice.
The day was glum, misty, threatening to get worse.

The expression in the eyes of my little boy was that of anger.
He was angry to be born . Angry to be torn away from his warm dark place
where he could hear everything from the safety of a warm womb.
The freezing temperatures outside on Montreal streets were uninviting.

I was afraid I would bundle him too much and he would suffocate before we got home.
Both Mom and Babe had much to learn from and about each other.

But the bond was made and neither could get enough of the other.
And so time flew,
days flew,
years flew,
and now he flew away too
to begin a new life.

February 11th, my life changed and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

What precious gifts God gives us to learn from, love and enjoy.
Today my baby has his own baby and I hope he enjoys her as much as I enjoyed raising him.

His hair grew, into lovely golden curly locks I hated to cut.
He was my hearts delight to watch and to play with.

So I wish my darling son a very Happy Birthday.
May all his wishes come true.
and may he live a long and prosperous life

Lets Party and Jazz it up:

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Leaf Whisper of Hope.

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An Indian tracker took some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's.
Suddenly he stopped and pointed. "Bear have babies." He said.

One of the younger pioneers ran up and asked, "How'd you know that!?."

"I know these things," replied the Indian.

They continued their journey, and a little while later the Indian stopped, pointed, and said:
"Deer tracks."

"How'd you know that!?" asked the young pioneer once again.

"I know these things."

After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumped of his horse and put his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come."

"How'd you know that!?"

"Ear wet."


Musical leaf - whispering HOPE\

This is funny.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Naaaa... What's Up Doc?

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Old people ain't what they used to be lol
They are younger and wilder and take more risks it seems.
I am referring to Viagra because I am getting so many emails telling me how this product will make me happy lol

I guess there are a lot of concerned people out there who care and don't want to see me miserable. lol
Time to put on my net stockings, girdle, high heels, and red lipstick on my new botox lips lol

Yeee!!!! Haaaa!!!!!

Yup. Life begins at 40.


(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)

Only total thicko's will fail !!

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

8) What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane ?

Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats ? Ecuador

3) >From which animal do we get cat gut ? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?


5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal ? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name ? Albert

8) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane ?

Orange (of course!)

What do you mean, you failed?!!

Me, too...!!!

( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )

Pass this on to some "brilliant" friends, so that they may feel
useless too!



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"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar,"the Preacher says.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."

Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.

After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"


The family wheeled Grandma out onto the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to the left, so again, the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon, she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart."

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "50 years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds!" "Well..." his wife snickered, "What do you say ... should we get naked?" The old man nodded, and the two of them took all their clothes off and sat back down at the table. "You know, honey," the old lady whispered breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied her husband. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

The local senior citizen care center has begun giving Viagra to the old men each night. It seems it keeps them from rolling out of bed.

· Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. He came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn’t reach that far.

· A man decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a news stand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonald's for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I'm actually 47." Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I'm 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thinks, what the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonald's."

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