Wednesday, April 15, 2015


What is free will? Do we really have any?
 We always have reasons for doing what we do.
 We eat if we get hungry, sleep when we are tired,
visit doctors if we are sick.
It's no different in the wilderness.

We hunt for food, cut lumber to keep warm.
 Make friends and enemies alike.
 Life, guides us towards survival of the fittest.
 To survive, limits our freedom to do things we want to do.

 Most of us won't sky dive, or dive off 50 foot cliffs even for
 want of feeling the freedom of air space.
 We won't stick our fingers into an electric socket just to see
what happens, although I did it once and my little hand was covered
 in gray matter full of little red veins running through it to get me scared
enough to jerk my hand out.

People are not stupid. Common sense needs no direct experience
 or scientific method to know right from wrong.
 It's always nice to know there is a way to get out of a loop.
 Those who seek direct experience and live to talk about it, are
 the leaders of this world.
 Those who experiment using the scientific method,
 are also leaders searching for things most of us either benefit
 from or die from. James was both of these things.

Science and direct experience were things he knew a lot about.
 Funny to know so much about a man in so short a period of time.
 How far would a man go to get the things he wants?

 Ok, the Denali thing made sense, but what was up Bear Mountain and
what is this nonsense that happened at the cabin?
What were they looking for?
Many a night went by with me staring up at the ceiling trying to
 solve this mystery.

 I made sure my rifles were set and ready to fire if needed.
 I had one long barrel with a sharp sword at the end.
 I figured if I can't shoot an intruder like bear or cougar,
I could spear him and if that failed well.....
 but at least it wouldn't recoil that hard to hurt my shoulder when fired.

Then I had a Cobb Model FA50...using a 50Cal bmg 660-750gr ammo
 left by James. It would take down a 750 pound bear easy shmeezy although
 it's a frightful looking thing.

 I began to also tie two Rambo bowie knives to my body.
 One was tied to my leg, and the other one on my arm in thick
cow leather straps. These, I slept with. Suddenly my heavenly home,
was turning into a nightmare.

Since I hated guns with a passion, there was no free will being used here,
 preparing them to kill. I shuddered thinking about it.
 We live with laws to stop crime and criminals so as not to use things
 like this and yet here I was preparing for radical changes in my life,
which may or may not happen.
Sort of defeated the purpose of coming out here.

 "O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit.
 Purify my heart.
 Illumine my powers.
I lay all my affairs in Thy hand.
Thou art my Guide and my Refuge.
 I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved;
 I will be a happy and joyful being.
 O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety,
nor will I let trouble harass me.
 I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself.
 I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord."


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