Guys and Gals

I had to laugh . Great stuff to listen to in between spring clean up lol
Men.
They expect us to buy that.
lol

Yachts of Laughs!

Wow! Beautiful yacht owned by a sheikh.
People sure know how to live.
It even has retractable gazebos.

Makes me want to dig for oil at my house. lol

But Alas.........The law will not let me.
So I have to make do with this.

A slightly smaller model but does the job lol

------------------------------------------------------

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"

--------------------------------------------------------

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good-looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island.

One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."

Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself.

With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband was snoring very loudly and every night ! So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband" said the doctor, "but it is really rather expensive. It will cost you $10,000 down, and payments of $1000 for 36 months, plus payments for extras of course.

"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "that sounds like I'm buying a yacht!"

"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man fell overboard from his little sailboat, and was thrashing around in the water when another boat pulled up.
"Jump in, we'll save you" - they screamed.
"No" cried the drowning man, "God will save me".
The scene was repeated twice more and then a helicopter hovered over the man.
"We came to rescue you" yelled the pilot.
"No, God will save me" was the response again.
The man drowned, and as he crossed the Pearly Gates, he ran straight to Jesus.
"I placed my faith in You, and You let me drown?!
""Hey!" said Jesus. "I sent three boats and a helicopter".

lol

Have a good one. :)

The Wrong Mirror

I hate mirrors that speak the truth almost as much as I hate tailors who keep measuring you saying:
Oh, I think you gained a little.
You keep wooshing their tape measure away saying :
No!No!No! Just follow the old measurements.!

No Wonder people hate truth. lol

And then there are the lucky people, like my husband, who has no ass at all.

How can you live without an ass is my question?

Pure Genious!

lol

Honey What's Under Your Cap?

Honey Mushrooms - These are my very favorite mushrooms and the only ones I pick.
You know they are good because other insects like to have a go at them.
I like to pick them when they just sprout, very young around 5 am. They grow in bunches so it is important to cut the stem so the roots stay in place and so they can regrow.Otherwise you lose a very good, replenishing crop of fungus.

Ours are usually found around birch trees but the ones in this picture are said to be found around oak trees.

Mushrooms are good for you as they contain selenium- (esp portabello) They also have cancer fighting agents in them especially prostate cancer.
They contain
three essential B-vitamins: riboflavin, niacin, pantothenic acid and potassium.

They help regulate blood pressure, and keep balance between water in the fat and muscle tissues.


My Mom pickled them in vinegar, pickling spices and oil and we just couldn't get enough of them.

I never knew what they were called in English but thanks to a Ukrainian stamp I found,on the net, they had an English translation.

After a morning of collecting, we had to rush home and put them into salty water so as to make all the little insects and worms come out of them. Then they were sorted, thoroughly washed, parboiled and pickled.

The whole winter we feasted and feasted well as they go with any dish and can also be fried with onions garlic and garnished with sour creme. MMMMM!


It is dangerous to pick mushrooms you don't know. We never risked it even if people said other mushrooms like the puff ones, were good.
If you don't know it, don't pick it.
I always think if other creatures eat it then its ok. It's hard to come by a good mushroom if you go late because the insects get them first. lol

Some how the ones from the store are not that good. They have no taste.

2/3 c. white wine vinegar
1/2 c. water
2 large cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 tsp. salt
5 peppercorns
1/2 bay leaf
2 whole cloves
1 lb. medium mushrooms
1 to 2 tbsp. olive oil

Place vinegar, water, garlic, peppercorns, bay leaf and cloves in medium saucepan. Heat to boiling over high heat. Stir in cleaned mushrooms. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered 10 minutes. Remove form heat and cool to room temperature. Spoon into glass jars. Spoon oil on top. Cover tightly. Refrigerate at least 5 days before serving. Yield: 3 cups.

---------------------------
Not fun being old.......

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day..

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing...

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

A Lone Soldier

A Lone soldier, he stands
A survivor
Resurrected
Every spring.
His roots deeply embedded
Where they are never found.

A lone Soldier He survives
Living through
The thick and thin
He is here, a sign of promise
A sign, that we are not alone.

A Single Soldier
Yellow and green
A bright survivor
Brave and strong
Resurrected
Every Spring.

A Lady's Life.


I planted many bulbs through out the years but few survive the pesty squirrels.
They come and dig them all out.
A few flowers survived and they keep coming back year after year.
This one looked so lonely and brave out on the front lawn.
I had to take a picture of it.

---------------------------------------------



Two bowling teams
One team all blondes
The other team all brunettes
Chartered a double decker buss for a trip to Ohio

The Brunette team took the bottom part of the bus
The Blondes took the upper part of the bus.

The Brunettes were having a heck of a time hootin and hollerin
Suddenly they noticed that the Blondes upstairs were very quiet... too quiet.

One of the brunettes went upstairs to find out why.
She found all the blondes sitting in fear, looking straight ahead of them, with white knuckles and bulging eyes.
The Brunette asked: Whats wrong?
We're having a great time downstairs.

One of the blondes swallowed hard and looked up at her
and then whispered


'YEAH SURE, YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER'


:)

Gods' Eye.

Thanks to Sandy I looked up Gods Eyes and now I understand what it is all about.
For the Huichol People in Mexico, it's a symbol of the power of seeing and understanding that which is unknown and unknowable.
The 4 points represent earth air fire and water
They made one for a new born with a central eye which got bigger as the child got older for the first 5 years.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

oh and the best one is when you are driving with your husband and see a cow in the field and say

Oh hubby, what does the cow say?

At which point everyone thinks you are totally insane. lol

------------------------------------------------------------------

This new system with captcha words are so silly Some are not displayed to leave a comment and the words are equally hard to hear.

Limits the number of comments you get.

Have a good one. :)

Chop Chop

I have been watching cooking shows and I can't imagine how much work is put into some of these dishes.
The amount of work some of these chefs do is incredible.

We the public, sit and enjoying flavors, having no idea how much creative work is put in to them.

I love chops sticks.
I love collecting and eating with them.

They are a lot of fun and I always remember Mr Miyagi on the Karate Kid,who caught flies with them.

Some Chinese traditions are worth keeping although I did read some people complain about how many trees are destroyed supplying all these chopsticks to restaurants.

Since I have been knitting and these chop sticks were lying beside me, I thought, what if I did put the other end into a pencil sharpener?
Would I get double pointed needles I could knit with?
The more you use the wood the easier it becomes to knit, as the wood becomes slippery


Well now I have an idea on how to recycle chop sticks.
Next time you eat with them, take them home and sharpen them and give them as a gift to a knitter.

Or you can collect them and use them for projects instead of bamboo sticks..
Use them to build bird houses, cages, cup holders ...
Such a wide variety of things can be created using these nice little pieces of wood.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady sees some Chinese characters on a Chinese menu. She likes them, so she goes home and makes a shirt with the symbols on it. Later that day, she bumps into a Chinese person. The person looks at her and says "Do you know what your shirt says?" The lady admits that she doesn't know and asks the man to translate. The man says, "Your shirt says 'cheap but good'."
----------------------------------------
Now how is this not adorable?


Have a good day! :)

Cutie Pies

cutie pies keeping warm

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in
Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees.

The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no
woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly
pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.


The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican
woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely
'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers).

The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he
could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican
woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable'
tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused.
How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able
to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican
woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree,
yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both
came to the same conclusion. Apparently, Tiger
Woods was right, when he said, 'Your pecker gets
harder when you're away from home!'


lol

Christmas Deli

This was my first attempt at making home made sushi.

I finally didn't forget the sea weed.lol

The sushi had sticky rice (which really is sticky) which is really needed

to hold the sea weed wrapped. Inside I had thinly sliced cucumber , avocado,

crab .celery, and of course fresh salmon.

After getting my orders as to who wanted what inside them, I made 5 sheets until I ran out of rice and avocado. I should have bought more than one avocado. The thing, is they were all green and I needed a ripe one.

My husband said don't make too much to try it out.

I have to say, it was a hit in my house.

Now my son is telling me to teach him how to make it.

Next time, my son the chef, will become a sushi pro.

He still did not make the ginger bread house and it is getting dangerously close to Christmas already.

Sushi goes great with hockey and midnight snacks :)

------------------------

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on,

I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace.

Lights! Camera ! Action!

One of the neighbors is all set for Christmas
Puts the rest of us to shame lol
--------------------------

Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything.

Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself.

The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room.

The clerk said certainly and told Casey the men's room was the third door down the corridor on the left.

Now Casey, trying to appear sober, weaved his way down the hallway remembering some of the directions.

When he reached the third door, he turned RIGHT, opened the door and immediately fell into the deep end of a pool.

The clerk, realizing Casey's mistake, ran down the hall and burst through the door, prepared to save him, and heard Casey shout, "Don't flush, I'm in here!"

-----------------------------------------------

Did you read about the moron who ate his pennies and asked if anyone saw a change in him?
----------------------------------------------

An American, a Mexican and an Italian robbed a bank. As it turned out, they got a lot of cash in Dollars, Pesos and Liras.

When they returned back to their hide-out, the American distributed the money in three even shares. He counted each portion aloud:

"1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you ...

1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you ...

1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you ..."
The Mexican said to the Italian, "Well I can't stand these Yankees, but I have to admit they are honest

------------------------------------

I'M RICH!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Foreign Accent Syndrome???

Travelling around, one often asks you where are you from because you have, what sounds to them, a foreign accent.

Crossing the US border is very difficult, if you get a guard who pays attention to how you talk with them, especially if he himself is Korean, East Indian or French etc... heritage
and has an accent himself. lol
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
Are we not a multicultural continent?

You answer:
Say wha??
Watcha talkin about bro. Wa's up wid yo accent?
Wa u from, bra?

Seems people brought up, when diction was important, is passe.

So long Shakespeare,

So long RrrAIN IN SsPAIN, IS MmAINLY IN THE PpLAIN.

Sometimes I think people are just a bunch of monkeys in a cage, bred to analyze each other for lack of better things to do.

No one checked me for fleas yet lol
but I understand security does this when boarding airplanes lol

Thanks to the internet, I now know what to tell the border guards and other nosy people who think the way they speak is without an accent.

I GOT the FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME DISEASE. lol

One other border story is funny or sad ... depending on whether or not your cup is half full or half empty.

I remember trying to enter through the US border once and they pulled me over for
a random check. Now my van is always packed because of kids, soccer and living in an earthquake zone, I try,( to the chagrin of my son, who calls it lame to do this until God forbid one day we need stuff in an emergency,) to make sure I have survival items in it including tent, chairs,blankets,tarps, rope,
warm jackets, sweaters, pants and socks.
So every time I cross the border, is a pain in the ass.

Asking the kids and husband to unload your car after grocery shopping, is also like pulling teeth cause they always leave something behind and unless it's toilet paper, which they need to wipe their asses with, they will never go back to check for the items if you tell them you are missing something. And even then.......they have to really need it. lol
(Check the car son.lol) (ok I am not being very fair cause lately both hubby and son have been good lol.)

Nevertheless, I check my car over to make sure, one more time, I have no fruit or vegetables.
This time I also checked and wouldn't you know, that guard dug and dug and found a bag of rotten kiwis.
They must have been there for months.

He walked into the building proudly parading them, high above his head, for everyone to see, like a cock who just secured his hen house.lol

If I ever rolled my eyes in my head, I could feel them rolling out of my skull that day.

The only thing that saved me from a 500 dollar fine and/or worse, is that the kiwi bag had Made in USA
written on it. The guy obviously saw I forgot about them, them being so rotten but the law is the law right?

So I learned something that day. Make sure you put your apples kiwis and vegetables in a made in the USA bags and you should be fine. lol

I guess the same would apply to Canada for US citizens???? I am not sure.

I like to keep my car empty to make for a clean in/ out experience but sometimes you screw up.

Kudoos to the guard who let me go that day.:)

but you never know from one experience to another what will happen at the border.
Once they asked me if I had drugs.
Their eye brows raised when, without batting an eye, I said yes. lol

I continued .......I have aspirin ibuprophen tylenol.....

Oh.... now they seemed depressed because it's not what they thought. lol But if I said no and they checked and found them, they could accuse me of not telling the truth.

Another time they asked me if I have knives.
Sure.......doesn't everyone? Scissors too. You need stuff like this. I'm a M.O.M.
It's my personal car used for personal uses.
Why should I keep buying stuff when I have them already?

Or should I say sorry. The A.L.I.E.N. made me do it. lol

Once Canada asked if I had a gun.
GUN??? Are they for real?
A Canadian? A country of Peace? A Mom with a kid in the car?
I felt myself shudder to that question. It rendered me speechless.

NO!
I have Foreign Accent Syndrome Disease.
Isn't that enough ?

But.......don't worry.......you got it too. lol

Have a great day!

Halloween Etched in Goya

Goya a Spanish painter born in 1746, who did a lot of Royal Paintings and was supported by the Royal Court.

"In 1799, Goya produced a series of 80 etchings called Los Caprichos. They were collectively an uninhibited allegorical condemnation of the foibles of eighteenth-century Spanish society. His prints criticized the ruling elite, superstition, deceit and the erosion of rational thought. In his The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters (1799), perhaps the frontispiece (an illustration preceding the title page of a book) for his set of ribald satires, the disillusioned Goya depicted himself asleep amongst his drawing implements, surrounded by nightmarish creatures that represent the evils and corruption he associated with Spain."

Saturn Eating Son

Woman looks frightened by what the monk is telling her.

Goyas' work seems frightening here in these pictures.
I don't think they are something I would want hanging on my wall except during Halloween
when the aim is to scare people. lol
But one can clearly see where his mind must have been when he was paintings these.
They were not on flowers and sunshine.
He became deaf from an illness no one understood but now it is believed it was from the pigments in his paints which contained lead and after that he became a very dark type of painter.
------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty
face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '
I like your sense of humour!'

lol

The pumpkin even burped. lol

A Word is Not a Word.

Apart from his scary mustache, and his "Frasier"high forehead,

Nietzsche has always fascinated me.

He had so many things to say and from him I learned words like

philology

Philology means the study of literary texts of written records and to establish their authenticity, their original form and to determine their true meaning from history.

I often find lots of meaning is lost in interpretation and am often surprised people do not see this.

You can find the soul in words, in the way they are written and put together in a sentence but once you change the words, you change the soul and it disappears, never to venture forth again to touch the new readers who come across an authors' work.

-----------------------

For Halloween

On witches, Nietzsche has this quote:

The most acute judges of witches and even witches themselves, were convinced of the guilt

of witchery. The guilt was non existent. It is thus with all guilt.

cont.......

He who fights with monsters should look at it that he himself does not become a monster.

When you gaze into an abyss, the abyss gazes back at you.

The surest way to corrupt youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike from those who think differently.

There are no facts, only

interpretations.

--------

Today youth can find info quite easily over the net as opposed to my time when everything had to be researched in books and the right books read to research from, had to be found.

To do research, people had to be fluent in other languages like Greek, Latin, Aramaic etc...

Today you click and the word is translated for you. In fact whole passages are translated making it so much easier to find answers to questions.

I remember one teacher telling us kids, he did not want our opinions in essays.
In essays he searched for the research we did, on other learned peoples' findings.

He changed my way of trying to do things when writing papers because I thought this was what all teachers wanted to see.

Of course, they didn't.

Other teachers were interested in what other people, students thought and they wanted to see a thinking process taking place in essays. It is only in this way that growth can take place even for the teacher.

Everyones' interpretation of a piece of work is different.

Even the translations are different. Thus the

meanings are different.

And so Nietzsche comes back over and over again into my life.

And here he is again for Halloween.

----------------------

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem
can there be greater than this one?'
------------------
And for Diane who wondered who we open doors to on Halloween

Watch This.

lol
------------------


Have a great day!

moments of truth

Woa! I am impressed!

It sure looks painful but how ingenious!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

As stories go there was a funny one from Egypt.

An expat family living there had a women come in to cook, clean, and do laundry.

She worked very hard and after finishing one home would go to another.

Pay day, the employer asked her about her family and complimented her about how good a job she did.

One day the conversation came to her husband who always seemed unemployed.

So the employer asked the maid why her husband never worked while she worked so hard.

The maid replied:

" Oh my husband is very intelligent and educated so he has a very hard time finding a job."

"Really." replied the employer." Did he finish going to school?

"Oh yes, he did" replied the maid proudly.

"He received his birth certificate you know."

Now this is a true story............... so I will leave it at that .

lol

-------------------------------------

Ryanair in England sports cheap flights.

example

London - Dublin = 14.99 pounds or 23.70 US dollars

London - Dusseldorf = 9.99 pounds or 15.80 US dollars

L ondon - Fuertoventura = 30.99 pounds or 49.00 US dollars

Catch? 1 bathroom for 189 passengers

In previous bids to bring down airfare, or at least cater to Ryanair’s idea of what travellers want, the airline has floated the idea of flying with just one pilot per flight, adopting standing-room only trips and even child-free flights, which Ryanair says are coming this fall.

Compare this to Air Canada flights from Vancouver - Calgary = 365.00 Canadian or 357.00 US

for a short flight having less toilets might be ok but now we're trippin with one pilot and standing room trips. Planes are already sardine cans.

and no children is clearly discrimination. lol

A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying:

'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how
would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to goto the bathroom. I'll be right back

.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

MR Universe 1975 , 2011

Wow !
I never knew there were so many muscles to build lol

Again Wow!

How hard do we want to work for things?
Watching these men achieve what they did really puts everyone else to shame.
Wonder how long it will take me to build muscles like that?
I can still enter the Universal Ol Granny Muscle Builders Competition. lol

.................. is there an old Granny Muscle Competition?

Comon Grammas ! Let's get crackin !!!!
Work them bunnnies!

I am gettin a heart attack looking at these guys.
Arnold looks pretty smooth compared to the other guy.

Let's see who we can give a heart attack, to see us?
Probably our husbands watching stupid.
lol
HAH!
Anything they can do...we can do better. :)
-------------------

ITALIAN HONEYMOON

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride,
Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello
to this friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful
Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food.

She brough at da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina
forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket .

The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat
indisa car. Musta use a dining car..'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga
lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in
disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The
conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car.
Musta go to a smokina car ..'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to
bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he
walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice..

'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."

Have a great Day!

multitasking

 

Today on MSN they had a question : Do you multitask while driving.
I said yes.
Of course over 73% said they didn't and I had to laugh.

On TV they show MCDonald Drive throughs, with people buying coffee ice cream .
You never see people with two hands on the wheel at all times.

People smoke while driving. Always have.
They keep one arm out of the window.
They scratch their heads, pick their noses,show an annoying driver their middle finger,

And even if you had two hands on the wheel, the anxiety and frustration you suffer on the highway may force you to make grave decisions like driving too close to the car in front.Or using two hands to make a harder turn than one hand would, causing the car to roll.Dancing and singing in the car seat with two hands on the wheel is multitasking.

Reading signs on the road, trying to stop sun glaring into your eyes in areas you can't stop.
Having something blow through your window you have to get out of your face and eyes.etc..

To make a long story short, we used to live in a thinking society and to pass laws to stop multitasking is to say that we are not a thinking society anymore.
Laws pertaining to this opens people to abuse because there is no way to drive without multitasking.
Driving itself is multitasking

You need two feet in standard cars
Even if you give manual hand signals you multitask as part of the driving standard.
Even seat belts and balloons which blow into your chest at 300 mi an hour are not safe.The belt slides up into your neck and requires adjusting.

Today there is no such thing as being safe.
The more laws we have the more tension it puts on people, the more people crack up and the more crime they commit.Now they are trying to add multitasking.

Laws today make us all criminals because we cannot follow all of them.
It opens doors to critics who themselves have things one can criticize.

So why do we pass stupid laws?
Stupid laws are passed to extort money and extortion, legal or not , is a crime.
It again creates tense people who go out and then commit more crimes.

It is better to have people understand and be corrected when they don't, so next time they try harder to do the right thing but even then, we make it a point, to point out and object to laws like same sex marriage and abortion and prostitution etc...

Laws promoting a lifestyle that may not be safe.

So....... going back to multitasking again.
Why is it wrong again? lol
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Facts About Men

1. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

2. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.

4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.

7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.

8. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

9. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.

10. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married.

11. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.

12. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.

13. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.

14. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -"don't" and "stop", unless used together!

pondering give and take

give and take
ebb and flow
yin and yang




All societies have come to understand the meaning of these words without religion or politics.
Maybe this is also why we can understand why God did as well when he gave us a most perfect world he created. Man was given the breath and a gift of life and a world to live in.

Man accepted the gifts and began to make live sacrifices in gratitude for the kindness shown for breaking rules of Eden and maybe this is how religion began.

What was to have been a generous loving gift was distorted and turned into more demands, cries for help
and fists being shown the creator who is blamed for all the woes.
Woes, which man is responsible for creating resulting from free will, individualism and knowledge.

People forget the above words.
God gave but nothing lasts for ever.
In the end all goes back to the creator.
If we believe in Jesus, as the son of God, then we know he was sent to show man the way, to educate him in the light, just in case the 10 commandments were not enough.
God did not require live sacrifices. His gift was life, to live, not to die.

He takes it back all in its' own time and man along with it but now hopefully a more experienced spirit, who might understand better, the laws of heaven.

To survive, man had to learn to sacrifice for others. Families work for each other to help bear the load. Friends help when in dire straights and then societies and nations, all work for the better good.
This was how it was intended.
Man had to learn, that he cannot live by bread alone and if he wanted knowledge and individualism, then woe goes along with it.
Everything depends on everything else.
Destroy the balance...........and everything destroys along with it.

Truth is cold and harsh.
It hits us like a flash of lightning or a falling icicle smashing its' tip into our head from above .
It's a very uncomfortable profound feeling .
We look to lay blame for our pain, on someone else. lol
even if the pain was meant for us for spiritual growth and understanding in the meaning of true love .
Without feelings, man becomes a zombie , a machine.

In todays world, man accumulates. He takes from other people not because he has a right but because he can. He does not wait for it to be offered but walks in and arrogantly takes.....
money, homes, families and lives. He creates unjust systems to use to legally help himself with a pen what was not worked for physically.

So many homes stand empty while man suffers living in the streets.
So much food thrown into the ocean, while hungry hands reach out into emptyness.
So much suffering result, as good intentions are stolen, not to reach the hungry, to be sold by the more powerful, the pretenders, for money, so they may live and then pray to the Father, to thank him for his blessing.

Then man wonders........how is it right for someone more powerful , to come and take from him?
He riots, he fights and steals, sells drugs and becomes the bad guy.

He looks for someone to blame and wars begin. Evil takes over to try to establish what in their minds is good because they survive.
One fella installed a sun room for me and charged me 17 k for the job which he said would take two weeks not 180 days as he wrote in teeeeeeeny pale blue at the bottom of the contract, and a promised me wood looking aluminum finish they put along the sides of the inside walls.
Instead, they put in wooden shakes which had water climb them first rainfall and made it lool awful.I took him to court and he lied to the judge and won the case.
Later I told him he lied to the judge and he said so what, my family had food on the table.
He didn't care that my family was robbed and would not have food on the table. The judge didn't care even when he saw that this contract wth teeny pale blue lettering no one could read, is made up to do nothing but cheat a customer. The salesman disappeared. Terasen does this too.
Have a complaint? ????? lol no one there wants to know. Just pay them.

None of this is good because it is all about taking. This mans' family and the Terasen CEO's probably go to church and thank God for the blessing. lol

As long as there are wars, it means man is not learning.
Its not about an eye for an eye.
It's not about arrogance and a fist.
If it was, then God would have smitten all of mankind for the act of killing his son.
Of course he resurrected him to show man proof of life after death.
He will open heavens doors to the suffering and those in power, will be sent back to relearn they cannot makes decisions for God.
He is the one Father and it is all in his hands and will.
For man
it's about living in the light, educating yourself and accepting what it entails to actually live.
It's about loving your fellow man by giving and sharing and letting live.

We blame others for famine while 60% of north American children live on less than food stamps
while millions are spent on worthless placards to win elections which are then thrown away.
Millions are spent on guns to kill and take rather than give.

Man is growing but he is not learning.
If culling of people is the plan then expect to be culled because the yin an yang affects everyone.

Might be God might close heavens doors and send those who do not learn, back to relive his gift of life and sorrow till learning does take place.
If the scriptures are correct, then he will give man three life times to learn. lol
and if time is nonexistent, this can become an eternity of either suffering
or living in heaven by the laws of true life, Adam and Eve were given.

Adam and Eve had only one rule in heaven.

So simple it was.
lol

Have a great day.


While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

Stress

You pick up a hitch hiker, a beautiful young girl
Suddenly she faints inside your car
you take her to the hospital

now that's stressful.

At the hospital you are congratulated as the Father as this girl is pregnant
You say you are not the Father but she says you are

This is very stressfull

So you demand a DNA test as proof
After all the tests they tell you you are infertile and probably have been since birth

You are extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way home you think about your three kids.......

NOW THAT'S STRESS

relieve stress through laughing meditation



Sheesh! I haven't shaved in years.

Scary . lol