Benched Pretty

I could not pass by this Mama Pig and Piglet Bench and not take a picture of it.

It was so cute and peaceful like sitting on the street in front of a store.

Certainly something which would look nice in a garden.
---------------------------

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks,'Kin ya breathe?'The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Squirrels Sharing Paradise.

I am so glad I keep my post cards. lol

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of Squirrels. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with squirrels in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of squirrels, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Father Son Hunting Trip

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said "Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field."

A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What’s wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The son answered" "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck."
"But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, should we eat them here or take them with us?"
-------------------------------------------------

Not a word out of you my friend!!!

Important Questions:

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? -- George Carlin

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? -- George Carlin

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? -- George Carlin

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? -- George Carlin

---------------------------------------
When is a pig a pig?

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pigs house and said," Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said " I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living crap out of him. Then one of them pulled out a gun and fired killing the wolf. Then they got back into their limo and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! "Who the heck were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins from Jersey -- the Guinea Pigs."

lol

Happy Monday !!!

Piggish Feat

This Pig was born with only two feet . The owner did not have the heart to kill it so he trained it to walk on two legs and this is the result.
It was born in Henan Province, China.

The 10-month-old animal, known by villagers as Zhu Jianqiang,
which means Strong-Willed Pig, weighs 110 lbs.

A circus even offered a high price for the pig,
but the owner refused to sell.


This is a sad story turned into something good about survival and perseverance.
:)

Thinking In Spring

Nervosa went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," she said, "I have a problem.
When I climb in bed, I think there's somebody under it.
So I slide under the bed and then I think there's somebody on top of it.
All night I am either climbing into bed or under it and I am going insane.

The psychiatrist answered OK I'll schedule you for three times a week and in about two years we will know why you feel this way


"Great! Thanks.How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"OK I'll go sleep on it," said Nervosa.

Six months later the doctor met Nervosa on the street. "Why didn't you ever

come to see me again?" he asked.

" A bartender cured me for ten bucks, much cheaper and faster than you could have."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to just cut the legs off the bed!"

Now that's what I call thinking outside the box lol
---------------------------------------------
This Dude seems to be envisioning a paradigm consisting of a certain way of viewing reality through concepts values and practices.
It's either that or he is trying to find out the answer to EVERYTHING, which by the way I found out is 42 according to a computer which did a 7 million year analysis of the world. lol

I had no room to put another guy in the next stall which might have been in a totally different paradigm.
Can a paradigm be equated to a cult? Why do we speak of paradigm shifts?

ALL IS GOD or ALL IS ONE.

Or maybe the Dude just drank from the decaf pot lol

Maybe I should watch LOST. They must have the answer. So far it just seems to be all like a dream.

SPRING WALKABOUT

A Mom saw her daughter come home solemn .
What's Wrong Honey? Are you ok? she asked

Ya. Max asked me to marry him.

Well that's great news. Aren't you happy?

Well Mom he's an athiest and he doesn't even believe in Hell.


Oh pfft. Don't worry. Marry him anyway.
Between the two of us he'll find out and believe soon enough.

----------------

After waiting an hour for her date to show up Mary finally decided he wasn't coming
So she went and changed into her PJ's and curled her hair when suddenly the doorbell rang

She answered the door and there stood her boy friend
One look at her and his face went white.

What.....he gasped. I am two hours late.............and you're still not ready?

The Spring Grin

Three chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want books, and gives them some and the chickens walk out.

Around midday, the chickens came back looking quite annoyed.
One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian thinks the chickens want more books and promptly gives them some more to read.
And Again, the chickens leave.

About an hour later they march back in extremely agitated and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'

The librarian was now starting to get worried about where all her books were going. She decided to give them more books but also followed them to find out what was going on.

She saw them go out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. She hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen and quietly watched.

She saw the chickens throw the books at a frog in a pond and the frog kept repeating,
"Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."


Oh boy! lol

Advantages of Sunscreening

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Saskatchewan RCMP Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball." He replied, 'Ma'am, Saskatchewan RCMP don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off. She was laughing too hard to start her car.