Educated Guess

Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number.

"Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently.

"This must not be your first," I said.

"Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first."

"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman

WHO DUN IT?

Who dun it? It was not me.

Who ate it? Go look up the tree
Who threw it It was the wind

Who knew it? It never ends

The more you ask,
The less you know

Why bother asking anything at all?

The dog is deaf
The cats a sleep

The hubby's busy counting sheep

The kids are angels
Their fingers point
At empty spaces
Where there is no dirt

And here you are,

Carol Burnett

With buckets mops,

Hey, it's no sweat!

Just pile it on you invisible crones

Tomorrow I'll find you......

Cause nobody's home

:)ALADY'SLIFE

--------------------
Oh Carol, you are such a fool
Darlin he loves you
Though you can be cruel
you hurt him
And you make him cry
But if he leaves you
you will surely die

Bit of Irish Moose Blarney

If you liked the moose song on the Moose blog then the Moosekateer Club is for you 
You must not bring pet moosequitoes as they might make the campfire meetings a bit itchy
(Especially if you are hung like a Moose.)

But never fear. We’ve gone through worse things than moosequitoes and upset moose.
What's worse than an upset Moose you may ask????? Well, try a love sick moose.
Our Scout Master Brady and his wife Biddy, sure left our relatives with a lot of memories from their camping trip with them.

Like, the last time when we all went to Big Moose Mountain.
Biddy made sure to get every one together and gave them each their duties to perform.
We hiked through the swamp to the foot of the mountain and then stopped because every one was hungry.
Biddy asked Brady to prepare the meal.
Brady tried and tried and then exasperated came to Biddy and told her he couldn’t with the matches she gave him.
Adamant, Biddy became agitated with Brady because she said she tried them all and they worked perfectly fine before they left.
It was a blonde moment.


Luckily Brother Conor had edible underwear he bought in Britain so with a wee bit of Irish luck and wee bit of sun,
the shorts spontaneously combusted and every one had some cherries jubilee to eat.
Modern inventions have their good points. Especially with dessert.

But they were still hungry so they sent two younger Lads, Angus and Dermott, to see if they could get some moose meat.
The lads didn’t have to go very far, maybe ten minutes from camp, when they spotted one and shot it.
They began to haul the moose by the tail, back to our camp, when they met another hunter.
He asked them why they were pulling the moose by the tail. The lads said they didn’t know. They were from Ireland.
So the hunter told them it would be easier to pull the moose by the antlers.
So they did
A few hours later they were bushed and wondered why they were so far away from camp?
Biddy and Brady had to send a moose party to find them.
They never did find the hunter who led them astray.


Meanwhile back at camp, it was getting dark and the hikers were getting edgy.

Dermott’s motherinlaw, Maude, complained. She said “ Dermott was a perfect arsehole who didn’t have one hemorrhoid because his arse was as lazy as he was.”

To which Dermott's Mother, Bedelia, replied “If I had a face like yours I would teach my perfect arse to smile.”

Maude answered: “Funny. I hope you live as old as your jokes but it's hardly likely because your nose is so big it probably can’t smell, let alone see the future.”

Bedelia retorted “Oh Ya? Was it your face printed on those airline barf bags?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Maude replied “You’re the short one. When some one throws up, you must be the first to know.

“Ah common gals” Angus's Uncle Moe interjected. “Stop fighting over nothing. You’re so old, you both fart dust.”

Maude and Bedelia stared at him.

Maude said : “ And what did you do? Piss off your plastic surgeon?”

Bedelia added “Don’t talk to me like that. Ten cents more and I could have been your Mother.
Good thing I’m not, cause you must have been so ugly when you were born, your Momma probably got a ticket for littering.”

“MY MOMMA? My MOMMA?” Sputtered Moe. “ You two must be divorced, cause you both seem to have lost 95% of your brains!”

“Oh ya? “ Maude yelled back “ When they circumcised you, they must have thrown your brains away!”

“Well your face must be hurting” Moe yelled back “ Because it’s killing me.!”

“Ha Ha Ha “ quipped Bedelia.” That’s because before you talk, you should brush your teeth.
I can’t tell if they are teeth or cheese.”

Up to this point Brady and Biddy were just quietly working building up the evening camp fire.

Moe was gonna yell back but the moose party broke through the edge of camp carrying the carcass of fresh meat, hanging from
a long post they found.

Brady was very happy to see them and to quiet the arguing group he said:
“Gosh guys, dogs and cats get along better than you do."

Dermott, well acquainted with Bedelia's and Maudes sharp Irish tongues, heard the ending sentence and couldn’t help laughing :
” That’s if you don’t tie them together Brady. Then you’ll see a big difference.”

Dermott’s Mom just waved her hand in defiance .
“We’re fighting because of your perfect arse.” she said.

“What? Dermott asked confused.

“Ya. That’s how it started.” said Moe handing Dermott a canteen of Irish Whisky.

“ I am glad this camping trip is just starting" he smiled.

"You need some hemorrhoids Moose.”


:)

HEAR YEE ! HEAR YEE!

"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar,"the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you." Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"

BECAUSE

BECAUSE OF TRUE LOVE

A brother and sister had made their usual hurried, obligatory pre- Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly parents with their small herd of horses. The farm was where they had grown up and had been named Lone Pine Farm because of the huge pine, which topped the hill behind the farm.

Through the years the tree had become a talisman to the old man and his wife, and a landmark in the countryside. The young siblings had fond memories of their childhood here, but the city hustle and bustle added more excitement to their lives, and called them away to a different life.

The old folks no longer showed their horses, for the years had taken their toll, and getting out to the barn on those frosty mornings was getting harder, but it gave them a reason to get up in the mornings and a reason to live. They sold a few foals each year, and the horses were their reason for joy in the morning and contentment at day's end.

Angry, as they prepared to leave, the young couple confronted the old folks "Why do you not at least dispose of The Old One." She is no longer of use to you. It's been years since you've had foals from her. You should cut corners and save so you can have more for yourselves. How can this old worn out horse bring you anything but expense and work? Why do you keep her anyway?"

The old man looked down at his worn boots, holes in the toes, scuffed at the barn floor and replied, " Yes, I could use a pair of new boots. His arm slid defensively about the Old One's neck as he drew her near with gentle caressing he rubbed her softly behind her ears. He replied softly, "We keep her because of love. Nothing else, just love."

Baffled and irritated, the young folks wished the old man and his wife a Merry Christmas and headed back toward the city as darkness stole through the valley.

The old couple shook their heads in sorrow that it had not been a happy visit. A tear fell upon their cheeks. How is it that these young folks do not understand the peace of the love that filled their hearts? So it was, that because of the unhappy leave-taking, no one noticed the insulation smoldering on the frayed wires in the old barn. None saw the first spark fall. None but the "Old One".

In a matter of minutes, the whole barn was ablaze and the hungry flames were licking at the loft full of hay. With a cry of horror and despair, the old man shouted to his wife to call for help as he raced to the barn to save their beloved horses. But the flames were roaring now, and the blazing heat drove him back. He sank sobbing to the ground, helpless before the fire's fury. His wife back from calling for help cradled him in her arms, clinging to each other, they wept at their loss. By the time the fire department arrived, only smoking, glowing ruins were left, and the old man and his wife, exhausted from their grief, huddled together before the barn.

They were speechless as they rose from the cold snow covered ground. They nodded thanks to the firemen as there was nothing anyone could do now. The old man turned to his wife, resting her white head upon his shoulders as his shaking old hands clumsily dried her tears with a frayed red bandana. Brokenly he whispered, "We have lost much, but God has spared our home on this eve of Christmas. Let us gather strength and climb the hill to the old pine where we have sought comfort in times of despair. We will look down upon our home and give thanks to God that it has been spared and pray for our beloved most precious gifts that have been taken from us.

And so, he took her by the hand and slowly helped her up the snowy hill as he brushed aside his own tears with the back of his old and withered hand. The journey up the hill was hard for their old bodies in the steep snow. As they stepped over the little knoll at the crest of the hill, they paused to rest, looking up to the top of the hill the old couple gasped and fell to their knees in amazement at the incredible beauty before them. Seemingly, every glorious, brilliant star in the heavens was caught up in the glittering, snow-frosted branches of their beloved pine, and it was aglow with heavenly candles. And poised on its top most bough, a crystal crescent moon glistened like spun glass. Never had a mere mortal created a Christmas tree such as this. They were breathless as the old man held his wife tighter in his arms.

Suddenly, the old man gave a cry of wonder and incredible joy. Amazed and mystified, he took his wife by the hand and pulled her forward. There, beneath the tree, in resplendent glory, a mist hovering over and glowing in the darkness was their Christmas gift. Shadows glistening in the night light. Bedded down about the "Old One" close to the trunk of the tree, was the entire herd, safe. At the first hint of smoke, she had pushed the door ajar with her muzzle and had led the horses through it. Slowly and with great dignity, never looking back, she had led them up the hill, stepping cautiously through the snow.

The foals were frightened and dashed about. The skittish yearlings looked back at the crackling, hungry flames, and tucked their tails under them as they licked their lips and hopped like rabbits. The mares that were in foal with a new years crop of babies, pressed uneasily against the "Old One" as she moved calmly up the hill and to safety beneath the pine. And now, she lay among them and gazed at the faces of the old man and his wife.

Those she loved she had not disappointed. Her body was brittle with years, tired from the climb, but the golden eyes were filled with devotion as she offered her gift--- Because of love.

Only Because of love. Tears flowed as the old couple shouted their praise and joy... And again the peace of love filled their hearts.

This is a true story. Willy Eagle

This is an Inspirational message sent to a small group of people.My hope is that it will make your day just a little bit better.

2010

Well the old year is finally put to rest.
It managed fine although it brought many, a lot of heartaches and tragedies.
The world continued to hustle and bustle as the year got older and wiser.

The New Year, again in diapers, will bring about a fresh start.
New hopes, dreams, adventures, projects.......

and again it is up to us to make the best of each new day by
taking baby steps towards the future.

Let us not settle for things without finding solutions that affect us all
world wide but look at the world with the eyes of a child full of innocence, wonder and amazement,
desiring love and warmth and peace and a full tummy to sleep, in the arms of a loving Mother,
our planet Earth.

dreaming of Life in green pastures.

Christmas Tatty

And as far as Tats go, this tat is the big Meow!

He reminds me of Garfield a little and I am sure he will delight in all the Christmas goodies hanging on the tree.

What lurks behind those sad, bored eyes?

Is he sitting under Cat nip mistleto?

Is he watching a little mouse scampering around a piece of cheese?

Or maybe he's Santa's helper making sure every one is asleep when Santa unloads his presents under the tree.
He might be an elf making sure no one steels the presents

Maybe he is a present to some wonderful boy or girl?

Or maybe he is watching the train go round and round the train track getting him sleepier and sleepier?

It could be he is sitting indulging in the aroma of pine needles, cinnamon buns and scented candles Or smelling the sweet apple bark crackling in a warm fireplace.

A shot of cherry brandy might be making him feel warm and fuzzy.

Or maybe he doesn't believe in Christmas.

My adult children do because they love Santa. He only comes to those who believe in the love, magic and spirit of Christmas.
And Christmas is about love and the joy of birth and giving.

Whatever is behind those eyes, I am sure it's about the wonders of Christmas and how nice it is making him feel just now.

Yup

He is exactly like Garfield.
Bored lazy and happy.

Cousins?:)

garfield christmas

Birds Fly South

Bird migration is something quite remarkable.
These little homeless birdies weave nests out of
whatever scraps they may find, lay eggs, raise families,
and then fly south for winter.
Every spring they come back.

I have to ask myself why do they come back?
It is so much warmer in the south.
Is it maybe too warm and they don't like it?
Or maybe our food up north tastes better? lol
They get no checks in the mail and certainly have no one to answer to.

What ever the reason for their coming back, what is
remarkable, is that they are strong and healthy
and they do this flight every year.

What is even more interesting is that birds are homeless.

They are like some tribes that believe soil belongs to no one.
It was there before man and will still be there after mankind dies.

We have many homeless people today and every year the numbers are getting bigger.
Society looks down upon these people as if they did something wrong or are not
of the same caliber as the rest who have homes to go to.
Rest assured,society is wrong.
Homelessness can happen to any one, even the richest of people.

It is for this reason that I feel society has to help the homeless.
If you do not want to open your home to a stranger, then at least let him live amongst you in peace.
As long as he is drug and alcohol free, there should be no problem.

As for homeless people, there is no reason why they should suffer in winter.
The government supplies them monthly checks and this money can be used to go south to much cheaper places to live for the winter months.
In fact I am surprised our governments haven't come up with this idea.
310 dollars a month could go a long way in another country.

People suffer because there is no one to do the right thing.
No one to organize to make it easier to survive but it doesn't mean it can't be done.

Whenever I see some one thumbing a ride south, that is exactly what I think he/she is doing.
Just like the birds, they are migrating south for the winter.
What I dislike about our MLA's ,
is that we pay them to think and all the do is whine.

Whining is the the public's domain. Finding answers, solutions, is what we pay government to do.



Johnny Denver – Today While the Blossoms still Cling to the Vine

Do I Make You Crazy?

MAYBE I’M CRAZY ........... about you.


We had a street full of fun neighbors. It was like a big family

Every one visited each other in their pyjamas.

If your light was on at 2 a m and they couldn’t sleep, we’d hear a knock on the door or

in the morning for break fast, some one would always pop in to share a coffee by the pool

Sometimes you’d wake up and look outside to see your neighbor cleaning your pool giving you hell for not cleaning it on time lol

6 am??????

It was great. This was about the same time when I was at my brattiest, monkeying around, doing things others would die of shame.

Like the time I brought a chair and sat in the middle of the street in front of my friend's house with some kids.

We clowned around, hooted and hollered with balloons, bells and whistles and party hats, dressed as clowns,

doing the splits and hoola hoop, singing Happy Birthday etc…. when we saw her husband come home from work.

It was a birthday he will never forget.

We did it for half an hour before we left, totally embarrassing him.

Then the time at school when the principal was giving a speech and saying something like, well you know,,, it’s like,

You will never kiss the person next to you. It’s just socially not done.

I stood up and said never say never.

Nothing wrong with that and chomped a biggy on my friend’s cheek.

She blushed from ear to ear holding her purse tight and all the parents burst out laughing.

We sure dumfounded the principal. He didn’t know what to say then.

I blew his speech right out the window, brazen woman that I was.

lol

I asked other people around “Who else wants one?” and they all laughed and clapped their hands.

Inside I kept hoping he was right and that I wouldn’t get in too deep with this one. Loll

Kissing my friend was easy. Loll Watching her blush was even more fun than watching the Principal swearing under his breath lol

But it sure was a needed gafaw to make people laugh, with all of life’s pressures.

Lots has changed since then but not life’s pressures.
We just keep carrying them around on our backs and they keep getting heavier.

We had this tiny man walking this huge BULL MASTIFF by our house every day.

The dog was a horse and wore a Captain’s hat.

I have never seen one like it since. The leg of this dog, above the ankle, must have been at least 4 inches across.

The head was the size of a small horse except it was round and wide.

I thought if he ever chomped on someone, it definitely would be the end.

I said to the guy:" Gosh, you can ride him. What happens if he sees a cat or something?"

He said not this dog. He is perfectly trained.

Too bad he didn’t have a bag to collect what the dog was not trained for lol.

We had a great street where nothing was impossible to see or to do

Halloween was a lot of fun. I dressed up like a humped witch and we acted out the Hansel and Gretel story one year, on the front lawn,

making kids afraid to be cooked and made into pudding.

We had a cauldron full and I told them this is what they will become if they stepped into my house for candy. Loll

Another time I dressed up as an angry witch with a Disney land shot gun scaring not only the kids but the parents as well.Being yelled at by a person in a mask can be scary not to mention hard to repeat all night.

When some one would come up my walk I’d run out screaming, asking why they came here, to steal my candy? and then forgiving them and giving them their treats.

They had to be brave and dig for it in my pocket while snakes came out from behind my collar.

Every one told every one they met, to go to this house. Loll

My oldest walked in front of the house very slowly like the grim reaper for effect.

Going crazy sometimes is a lot of fun especially if you have a good group to go crazy with. Loll

You make lots of good memories not only for yourself but for all the people living around you

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy