“Waiter, I am going to order broiled skinless chicken breast, but I want you to make a mistake
And bring me lasagna with garlic bread.”
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Salads Don’t Help you lose weight either.
If you put a crouton on your sundae, instead of a cherry, it counts as a salad.
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One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
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Loll Happy Eatin!!!
Jokes:
Did you hear about the two little kids in a hospital who were lying next to each other? The first kid leans over and asked, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid said," You've got nothing to worry about, I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"
The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"
The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."
The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
~~~~~
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
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Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
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What do you call a very small valentine?
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What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
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more songs:
WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!
(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)
Only total thicko's will fail !!
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?
2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal
?
7) What was King George VI's first name ?
8) What color is a purple finch ?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane ?
Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.ANSWERS
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats ? Ecuador
3) >From which animal do we get cat gut ? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal ? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name ? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane ?
Orange (of course!)
What do you mean, you failed?!!
Me, too...!!!
( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )
Pass this on to some "brilliant" friends, so that they may feel
useless too!
============================
|
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar,"the Preacher says.
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!" |
· Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. He came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn’t reach that far.
· A man decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a news stand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonald's for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I'm actually 47." Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I'm 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thinks, what the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonald's."
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