Life With Grain of Salt

PARAPROSDOKIANS

I had to look up "paraprosdokian." Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I
want to be in it," is a type of
paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!

1.. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my
list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them
speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
proceed to tell you why it
isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have
a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So
I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23.. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you
wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon,
and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
=======================================================

 

It's Sunday and I am counting days out of desperation
Hate this cast and the pills that go along with it lol

My son's friend broke his thumb and took his off by getting it wet so it was easy to cut off. Smart lol
I am tempted except my wrist will probably fall off. lol

Have A great day!!

Amigos Who Love

Newfoundlander Password The Bank of Montreal was running a recent Password Audit and found Stevie O'Toole from Conception Bay (Newfoundland) using the following password: MickeyDonaldMinnieGoofyDaffyBugsElmerPlutoOttawa When Stevie was asked why he had such a long password, he replied, 'Lard t'underin geesus! Are yez blind er' stupid? I wuz told me password had to be at least 8 characters long wit' one capital '' --------------------------------------------------------------------

You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her ••••• finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the Trigger.

I think blondes and Newfoundlanders have the Luck of the Irish.
lol
My wrist doesn't hurt much now but the pills sure did a job on my system cause its all upset.

And what a hassle to do things with one hand.
Try peeling a potato or cutting a tomato or putting on your under wear or fixing your hair.pffff! I feel like a comedian creating jokes on myself.lol
Next time someone asks me what's better, to hurt a leg or an arm and I'll definitely say a leg because you can sit doing things but without arms......geez!

All I can do is put meat into aluminum foil (which is also a trick to tear off the roll) season it add water and put in to bake. The rest someone else has to do.
I can still load the dishwasher.
and I keep looking outside longing to go out and play .
Well it's not to be for now so its nice nature shows me a flower or two to admire.

Weeds have stories behind them For example:

Morning Glory Seeds

• Drives out water - for heat accumulation in the stomach or intestines, severe constipation, abdominal distention, urinary difficulty (water is expelled through urine and stool).
• Unblocks the bowels and removes accumulations - constipation due to accumulation and stagnation of damp-heat in the stomach and intestines.
• Drives out phlegm and congested fluids - cough, wheezing, chest fullness.
• Expels intestinal parasites and reduces food stagnation - roundworm or tapeworm infestations and food stagnation.

Dosage and Preparation Notes

• Dosage: 4.5-9g

It also gives hallucinations so one has to be careful and know how to use the seeds

Whatever I see and do these days I see only my Amigoes who love

A Garden for Another

This is a nice garden song.
Today i can sit and enjoy it but my husband caught something at the hospital and is very sick.
He has a very bad cold and who gets them this time of year?
So between he and I we make a swell couple.

So no garden for us thats for sure lol

I slept through most of yesterday. The pills are strong and keep away the pain.Today I need
less of them.

My husband was up and about more than yesterday.
but he will also need another day or so sick leave.
At least we are sick now together .
More things to share lol
He made us a nice spaghetti sauce and I helped myself to a bowl but my little dog jumped up.
She was hungry so I let her eat it and then made myself another bowl.
She has her portion in her bowl but she wants to share mine instead lol
Precious little girl.
Nothing much more to say or do
Just rest.
I can't even knit now lol

xoxoxoxoxo

Cracked

Well this song hits home especially today.Yesterday I was working as usual Picking up the branches of tree cuttings. I was hoping to feed them to a small fire.
As chance would have it I slipped on the mud.
We have cement walk way and then about a two foot muddy embankment raised by wood ties.
I slipped right there and fell on my shoulder and arm and broke my wrist on the cement .I knew cause it cracked. The pain and shock that followed showed me how delicate I have become.
My son heard the screams and came running then my husband.
I tried to change a bit before we charged out to emergency.
It took the rest of the day to fix me at the Surrey Memorial, which I have to admit was a very
hard working group of dedicated men and women.

They did things different than before .After xrays showed I did darn good job on my wrist they gave me an IV which I guess put me into a light sleep.My husband and son said I was talking and screaming but when I came to I remembered nothing. Apparently I said something which made the doctors laugh. Who knows what I was talking about lol My boys both cringed watching me suffer.
My blood pressure sky rocketed. The arm ached badly coming home.
Now I have to go to the doctor every week to make sure it is setting right, bummer
The morphine and other pills they gave me were strong and I needed them but right now it feels a lot better . Thank God .

Next to me was on old man who came in with a bad heart. He was dying and his son was sitting beside him waiting I guess since there was a no revival order for him.

The nurse said the day before they had 30 kids come in with boo boos and today me lol

The way I fell I was lucky not to have banged my head or broken my neck.

One split second and your world changes forever.
I am always afraid of this hill of mine.Its not for older people especially when wet.
It was just a question of time and the time came. lol
After all this today my husband seems to have picked up a very bad sore throat from the hospital
So he too is out of commission.
When they asked me if I was ever at that hospital before, I told them no.I don't like doctors or hospitals. You come in with one problem and go home with 100 more lol

Well I better not push it and go rest before the wrist begins to act up AGAIN.

Hope everyone else had a better week end. lol

hugs to all

I Love You

Well This is my today song I was singing while still working with these horrible blackberries.
Nothing kills them.

No matter what the world will say about me, I know your love will always see me through.

I love you for a 100,000 reasons but most of all I love you cause you are you.:0

Hunh! Power washing, prickles wood burning etc.... and still I worry what the world will say about me and think about the love that keeps me still doing all this stuff. lol

Who cares. I pay my taxes lol

In Quebec people are dying from the heat and here in BC we are still wearing sweaters and fleecy's.
I filled up a baby pool with cuttings and bagged them today and now the pool is empty to fill up with water for the dogs.
Maybe the lawn mower will see its way up the hill and do a but of something. The rain is not helping things. Usually by this time the soil is rock dry and the grass is burnt by the sun but not this year.

I never complained before when I had flat land but this is beyond what is acceptable.
Needs young people to do this stuff.

Well as long as I am making headway. lol
Hope everyone has a great day.

:)