Sunday, April 14, 2013

Bullies and Suicide.

I feel for all parents whose children pass away before their time.
We have cases where children are killed by bullies and cases where the kids kill themselves.

I would hate to be in the shoes of any of these parents because I know it would kill me to lose my kids.
I live for them.

Schools and psychologists and all these other people with good intentions, are not helping matters.
If something is a lie, then why does it bother a person what is said about them?

The more you show it bothers you, the more they will attack you.
If you did something that was a mistake, it still doesn't make you a bad person.
No kid is perfect especially the kids involved in promoting pain on internet.
It should be clear to every one what they are doing and that because they do it, the person they are doing it to is innocent.

So many kids lie to look popular to get dates.They did it in our time and they do it today.
Nothing changes.
Nothing makes them angrier than to have you walk by and wink at them with a smile cause then they don't know if it's true or if it isn't.

In those days we had the black phones.
Once one of my ex neighbors daughter, who had a very bad reputation,
called to try to get me into the prostitution scene. She was much older than I was.
When they get old, they need to recruit fresh blood  .(That hasn't changed today either.)

First she would call to entice me to go meet her and this other woman as friends.
When that didn't work and I excused myself politely cause I had more important things to do,
she began with threats and belligerence to scare me.
She did scare me because she sounded like a lunatic. I had no idea why she would begin calling me. We were never friends. She was much older and really a very bad person to be around.
I was no fool but you see I was older and strong in my principles. I knew right from wrong by then.
When you see and hear stuff like this you walk away in the opposite direction .
 You never go to meet these people.

Knowing she wasn't going to stop calling, because if you hung up on her she'd call back and continue to harrass,
I put the phone down under a pillow, and let her continue to herself.
She yelled and yelled and then finally after about 15 min she realized no one was listening.

She took criminology at school or so she said, so she knew the phone could be tapped and in any event the number could be traced and I could have many people listening to her from another phone.
In the end, she was more afraid of me, than I of her and she stopped calling.

But then you never know if these people will ever follow through with their threats.
 I never associated with her except that our parents knew each other and
she went to a wedding I once attended.

I took Karate at school because I thought if I had to exercise, I should also learn something.
In my class they empowered you by saying when you are done, your hands will be weapons.
You should never use this art form unless you are put into a corner and unable to walk away.
Further more, they tested the students and if you had a temper they would kick you out of class because they knew this was trouble waiting to happen.
I wonder how many marshal arts teachers do this today?
It's a moral and ethical obligation to decide to do the right thing especially when you will lose money.

To the girls, we were told that if you had to make a move, to make sure it worked for you to incapacitate the
aggressor because if not, you will not get another chance. Men are more powerful than women.
 A punch/kick from them, will break your neck.

Learning to be fit had its' rewards because I walked straighter, taller, but most important of all
I was never afraid. My senses were so in tune with my environment, I could smell trouble a mile away and was always able to walk away. Saved me more times than I care to mention.
It's really not safe out there for women, even today.

My teacher taught me a valuable lesson and I carry it with me always.

After you reach a certain age shit happens.
Your muscles turn to shit and you feel helpless and no karate moves will help you.
Your bones will break before a young persons' will.

So you carry needles,chop sticks, a walking cane, a purse with sharp studs you can swing. 
Sharp rings will help you especially if you hit the nose or eyes and you never walk alone.
This last one is the best way to avoid trouble coming to you.
From Charles Bronson , the vigilante, I learned about money being put into a sock
 swings pretty nicely. lol

Again, you never use anything unless you are put into a corner and have no means of escape.
You look out for any other object around you that you can use to stop an attack. Today a cell phone is a very good friend because you can push a button and people at the other end can hear what you say and what's happening and call for help.
All of this is called self defense.

For school bullies, I always taught my boys the first punch rule.
Words never hurt you.
To be a man, you have to set your principles and people will know who you are through your behavior and  actions.
If you are a good honest person, you may not know it, but many people will, from the silent sidelines and the stupid people who harrass and comment, they show themselves for who they are too.Unworthy, untrustworthy, trouble makers, immature. etc....
They are busy bodies, insecure  people without character and easy to crack and  if you just give them time, they will hang themselves.People who feel good about themselves will never stoop so low as to hurt other people.
 It really does work and no one has to commit suicide.
 Just be patient. Patience is a virtue.

Have a friend take a video of how they harass you in school halls. Evidence is soo easy to obtain these days to show the right people what is being done to you.
Learn how to fight back.
If a person lays a hand on you, then this is the first punch which frees you into the use of self defense.
Punch in the nose. Punch hard.

I told my kids if you do the first punch , you are on your own but if they do, then I will be standing right there beside you because up until the first punch, there were choices to be made by the aggressor, to look for help to resolve the problem in a civilized manner.

After the first punch, there is no other option left to discern guilt or innocence because the aggressor is guilty no matter what the problem was. No one can argue differently.

Take for example North Korea today. As long as she talks, nations listen and sit quiet but the moment she thrusts out a weapon, the first punch, she better be ready for bad things to happen.

Both my boys  won respect and brownie points for this method of dealing with problems No one ever touched them..

Parents have to empower their kids with knowledge of how to fight back.
Step back, analyze your situation and opponent, prepare a strategy and wait.

Parents should not give 12 year olds phones with cameras they can use in bathrooms where they undress and take pictures of themselves to send to friends or computers with cameras.Phones should not be toys to play with.

But most of all, teach your kids the 10 Commandments. so they feel secure about themselves and know right from wrong and are not swayed by professionals who know how to talk to kids.

If schools did this and put everyone on the same page with God, things would be much nicer at school.
If parents did this at home it would reinforce what the school does and things could be resolved much easier.
These are brilliant and simple laws and apply to many life issues and resolve many psychological problems.
They never leave you in the dark to struggle alone.

They empower you to have faith and trust in the people who matter because those people love you and would die for you.
No one needs to live in pain this way and feel alone.
Stay strong and never crack the egg.



Lorna said...

You are a most interesting woman. I have been sitting here with a cup of coffee, reading your long multi-topic post and I realize that it would be fun having you as a next-door neighbor. Lorna

A Lady's Life said...

Lorna yes I am an interesting person lol
I'm into everything lol
My family says
Yup. That's Mom.
I keep every one entertained lol

Zuzana said...

What very philosophical post! I think I have told you before, there is a politician in there somewhere hiding in you.;)

I was bullied too when I was a kid. Kids can be very mean, as they lack selfcontrol. I went through many fights, both verbal and physical. Some I won, some I lost.
With that said though, I also always had a handful of great friends and had no trouble in dealing with the "mean" kids.;)
I feel very sorry for children to whom bullying is impossible to deal with and who see taking their own lives is the only way out.
I never ever, and I mean EVER! had that kind of inclinations. I often think that perhaps there is more to it than meets the eye. Some sort of other instability in their psyche, or an incredible sensitivity...

Thnak you for this very substantial and important post.;)
Have a great week ahead.;)


A Lady's Life said...

Zuzana - I agree. Most kids wold fight back. Some don;t know how because society has taken this capacity away.
Today they say Oh we have to do something about bullies not realizing that life is all about being bullied because no one follows the 10 commandments.Business is cruel. Finance companies are cold and cruel Banks are cold and cruel Jobs are difficult to do. Many people complain of abuse at work.
If kids don't learn how to defend themselves against young bullies at school, how are they to survive in this cold world.
You know even schools are cruel. You go to a counselor to get help and they give you the wrong help.
They don't even know who you are.

Akelamalu said...

Bullying is the most heinous act. I was bullies as a child and taught my boys to stand up to bullies. As you say I told them never to throw the first punch but to retaliate and not allow themselves to be defeated or they would never have a minutes peace thereafter. Great post, great advice.

A Lady's Life said...

Akelamalu - More people have to write on the subject so young people read it.

Hillcresthome Prims said...

I was very happy to read this post girlie. This touches our home because our youngest was bullied and my husband and I went to the school and went even higher up because they didn't seem to care so
here in Mass now if there is bullying these kids HAVE to go to court and face a judge.
How I know this is because I got on the band wagon and made 100's of phone calls and my husband knows our Gov. D. Patrick and I worked with him on a personal level and he asked our youngest son if he would if our son had to tell his story of what he went through to the state and he said YES, but the votes went in our favor and it is a law now, I was there when the Bully Bill was signed. Our youngest said Mom thank you and I am so proud of you and I told him I am proud of him and he is my HERO, he was always able to come to us and let us know the things that were happening at school, he is graduating soon and is going to college. He never gets bullied now. I also blame the teachers, my son was being bullied in 10th grade and a teacher walked by and our son said something to him and the teacher walked away and he called me and told me and I went right down and had that teacher come in the office and believe me I told our son after the teacher said sorry that still wasn't good enough so when I was in there my husband showed up and because I called him at work and told him what was going on and lets just say that teacher watched out for our son from then on.
For the bullies they were expelled from school for a week.
I believe that bullies learn this from home and they don't like who they are so they strike out at other's, still doesn't make it right.
We taught our sons that these things even happens a the work place.

Thank you for a FABULOUS post,

A Lady's Life said...

Welcome. Trish.
I know schools don't do anything.Many times they take the side of the bully because teachers are also afraid of them .
Many of them do drugs and are in gangs.
You have a problem, you have to know how to deal with it yourself.
Telling parents is a good thing to do .
I find taking pictures works extremely well cause they hate evidence being sent to the police.

Lydia Kang said...

There is so much bullying but nowadays, it's easier to bully using social media, and everyone hears about it. It's terrible.

A Lady's Life said...

You know what's good for one is good for the other .
They don't stop at internet. They don't stop with kids. They bully adults too. Try saying something to one of them and they will make life hell for you. You complain at school & they they say OH MY GOD!!! Don't mess with them! They'll come to your home. They'll paint your car. etc....So one can easily get things on video and iphone on their behavior as well.
Also your behavior counts for a lot too. Today anything can be orchestrated. Putting one head on another body. That kind of thing Today nothing is as it seems. But kids should learn how to behave at home by their parents who should be vigilant raising them. That's why one parent should always be at home.When you have two parents working and no grand parent or someone to watch the children at home, they do things they are not supposed to because they trust the wrong people or because they get swayed into experimenting, or because it's fun.
You know it takes two to tango
Everything you do in life has consequences.
I made a habit of taking pics of bullies cause this is what the police said to do. Take pics and give them to the police. They came to ask for the pics saying they will sue me and I said sure, they are at the police station. Go get them.Of course, they will never do that. lol

Kathleen McCoy said...

This is such a helpful, topical and scary post! I don't shock easily, but your experience with the prostitute neighbor was truly alarming. Bullying in any form, at any age, is a huge problem and your advice for prevention and handling this are excellent.

You know what amazes me? Mean girls don't grow out of it. They just get older and meaner! I see some people around here -- I live in one of the newer Del Webb Sun Cities -- who behave just horribly to vulnerable people. And, of course, it isn't just women who are mean. We have some pretty terrible guys around here, too. I think as one ages, one simply becomes more of whatever one was before.

Gattina said...

Unfortunately bullying problem exists in all Western countries. Religion in schools is not obligatory. Instead there are classes of general knowledge.

A Lady's Life said...

Kathleen - you don't have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
In my case I was at home, going to school and they looked me up. They had to find my address and phone number to do that while being friends with my parents.
My parents tried to help people, esp young people, but they are not to be helped and bring trouble to your house. We moved by then and they had no way to look us up but they found a way.My parents never knew about this and I was never allowed to stay when one of them would drop by to say hello.

A Lady's Life said...

Gattina I know and this is why we have to bring back the old ways in schools and at home.
It kept every one on the same page.
But when we got all these new immigrants, they wanted their cake and to eat it too and they destroyed all the good things we had here.
We kept changing laws to suit them instead of telling them they are in Canada and should become Canadians.
Every one else did so why should they be different?
They brought the racism and hate into our country and they still hate every one and use our laws against us.
It's payback for them what the colonial countries did like France and England and Spain but we ran away from this. We began a new thing here and this they don't understand.It should be explained to them. We don't need their problems We have enough of our own.
If they come here to begin a new life, they should begin a NEW life.Not continue with the mistakes of the old one.