So apart from all the mumbo jumbo people are being fed,
Where is all the money?
As one greek man said, spending has to be stopped.
Thank fully Kate an Wills 9 day trip will not cost very much but make a lot of people happy.
The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all
humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of
waiting on them hand and foot.
You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult
human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her
right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor
your teen will ever crack a smile.
No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.
Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on
end without moving, barely breathing.
Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating
that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.
Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.
Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to
return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your
bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.
Love Letter from a Mathematician
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric
lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and
spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude
(likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to
my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can
solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you
extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial
functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from
zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life
revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at
sunset,when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be
like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an
This is part of my back yard.
Over grown and ready for my fiskars lol
The 2011 Dirty Dozen
Cilantro was tested for the first time this year with the samples contained 33 unapproved pesticides on 44 percent of the samples tested. This is the highest percentage of unapproved pesticide on any item included in the guide since EWG started tracking data in 1995. Since cilantro just missed inclusion in the "Dirty Dozen", coming in 13th in the rankings, you can imagine the contamination of the top twelve.
"Clean 15" includes onions, sweet corn, pineapples, avocado, asparagus, sweet peas, mangoes, eggplant, cantaloupe (domestic), kiwi, cabbage, watermelon, sweet potatoes, grapefruit and mushrooms.
"When's Honeydew? The Thyme's getting on."
"Crikey it's chilli in here. Let's turnip the heat."
"Does a Bok bring you Choy? Then Lettuce all smile."
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks,'Kin ya breathe?'The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
The Coat Hanger:Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small
daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the
pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found
she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby
what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was
worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had
left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had
their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't
how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motor cycle pulled up, with a dirty,
greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was
desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some
medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute
the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she
"Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of
today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for
about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud,
'Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!'
Is GOD GOOD - or what!