Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Parrot Jokes.

This woman approaches a man of the cloth and tells him, "Father, I have these two talking female parrots, but unfortunately they only know one sentence: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' " "That's terrible!" exclaimed the holy man, "but I have the answer to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I myself taught them to read the bible and say the rosary." The woman collects her parrots and puts them in the holy mans parrot cage. "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" the parrots say. One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

A woman is strolling down the road to work and she espies a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey you lady, you are really ugly." The lady is furious! And she rushes past the pet store to go to work. After finishing her shift she saw the same parrot in the shop window and the parrot repeated what it had said earlier, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She is now even more furious. The following morning she received the same verbal abuse from the parrot. "Hey lady, you are really ugly." This time she was standing no nonsense and stormed into the store and said that she would sue the store and slaughter the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the pet store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the parrot said, "You know."

Just before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a special present for his wife. The pet store owner tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that can sing Christmas carols. He ushers the husband over to a colourful but very quiet bird. The man agrees with the pet store owner that Chet is certainly pretty, but he doesn't seem to be up much for singing a tune. The owner of the pet store tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The owner clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. The bird Chet immediately responds by singing at the top of its voice; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing qualities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now breaks into tune again singing "Jingle Bells." The husband now even more excited says Chet is the ideal gift for his wife and buys him. The husband speeds home as fast as his feet will take him to give his wife this wonderful gift. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, what he had seen the pet store owner do he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." Then moving the lighter under the right foot Chet starts singing a chorus of "Jingle Bells." The wife is impressed, and with a naughty grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's both legs. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the parrot begins to sing--- Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!

A young man's mother was now living in Miami Beach and he didn't get to see her as often as he would like. His father was no longer around and he felt saddened for his mother being lonely. So for his mother’s birthday, he purchased a very rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He made arrangements for a courier service to deliver the bird to his dear mother. After a few days he called. "Hey Mom, what do you think of the bird?" "The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer." "You ate the bird? Didn’t you know it was of rare breed and was very expensive? It had a talent where it could speak seven languages!" "Oh, excuse me replied the mom - if the parrot was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven?"

2 comments:

Peter (Worldman): said...

Very lovely jokes. I loved the first one in particular :-)

A Lady's Life said...

You have to be careful what you say around parrots lol They pick up everything.