Saturday, July 30, 2011

Life With Grain of Salt


I had to look up "paraprosdokian." Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I
want to be in it," is a type of

Ok, so now enjoy!

1.. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
proceed to tell you why it

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have
a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So
I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23.. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you
wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon,
and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
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It's Sunday and I am counting days out of desperation
Hate this cast and the pills that go along with it lol

My son's friend broke his thumb and took his off by getting it wet so it was easy to cut off. Smart lol
I am tempted except my wrist will probably fall off. lol

Have A great day!!


George said...

I enjoyed these very much. Thanks for brightening up my day.

A Lady's Life said...

welcome george

Gattina said...

I had a great day, my holidays are over now in Eastbourne and I will go up to Oxford to visit the town before I go home to Brussels.

A Lady's Life said...

gattina - holidays?

Desiree said...

I really enjoyed these witticisms and always marvel at the bright minds who come up with such things! Thank you for sharing them :)

A Lady's Life said...

desiree so do i lol