Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Life Liberty and Love




Man cannot live by bread alone and here we have an example of why.

I walk alone in a deep dark wood
To find two eyes, watching from afar
And as we meet we feel a yearn
To share our lives our food and hearth
And so I stay beside the fire
While Two Eyes swoons and drifts to sleep
We share the warmth and watch the smoke
Send up a message to Mother Earth.
When sunlight streaks upon our faces
We wake and shake away the sleep
And we continue on our path
To life and liberty and love.
A Lady's life
------------------------------------

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!

The woman sleeps very soundly.
The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over.
He tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.

He is very confused, and, as he walks back into the bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head, looks down at the dog and says:
"Boy, don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!"

10 comments:

Olga said...

This is the first time I have heard such a cautionary tale. My cat snores, but unfortunately, he is castrated :(

A Lady's Life said...

Olga - lol

George said...

I enjoyed both your poem and your story. I sure hope I don't snore!

A Lady's Life said...

Ah! Nights sweet melody - george lol
I guess you'll know for sure when you wake up lol

Evanir said...

VIAJAR PELO MUNDO
E TIRAR DESSAS AVENTURAS LIÇÕES
QUE AMPLIAM SUA VISÃO DE FELICIDADE.
OU FAZER UMA VIAGEM DENTRO DE VOCÊ MESMO
VERÁ QUANTO VOCÊ PODE SER FELIZ
COM O AMOR QUE EXISTE DENTRO DE VOCÊ.
E SER FELIZ FAZENDO FELIZ A TODOS AO SEU REDOR.
UMA ABENÇOADA NOITE
PAZ AMOR E LUZ.
BEIJOS O CORAÇÃO.
EVANIR

SandyCarlson said...

I enjoyed these very much!

A Lady's Life said...

thanks sandy

A Lady's Life said...

evanir thanks

Mama Zen said...

That's hilarious!

A Lady's Life said...

mama zen men are fun lol