Thursday, July 8, 2010

Etiquette ...Oh Dear.

Now I know in todays fast paced world, there is little room for social graces.

I mean we do not drink tea with our little finger pointed up, nor dress for dinner.

Nor do we make sure that the fork and spoon and glasses are placed just so on the table.

And we don’t even eat at the table anymore and talk like civilized people.

Nope. We let the TV do all the talking. There is not much time for family time anymore

But some things dealing with Etiquette, are best to be heeded.

Examples………

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles - even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back a coffee.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
2. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

9 comments:

George said...

Even though I live in Tennessee, I'll try hard to observe these rules of etiquette.

alady's life said...

George : Somehow I believe you are a man of your word lol

alady'slife said...

I wonder if Borat would understand. lol

Mama Zen said...

Are you SURE the characters on the screen can't hear me?

Kimmy said...

Hello A Lady's Life,
How hilarious are you? Once again I am in tears, laughing at your humorous take on life.
You deserve an Oscar for comedy or something.
Have a fun filled weekend my friend, cheers!
@George, hello fellow Tennessean!

alady'slife said...

Mama Zen!!!! lol

Fifi Flowers said...

I guess that proves that EVERYBODY picks their noses! LOL

alady's life said...

Fifi - Well she is wearing gloves lol

Peter (Worldman): said...

Yes, it was good to remind me of etiquette. I was not used to it anymore after leading a bush life for so many years.