UCLA Study
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be
attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed
up his ass while he is on fire.
Further studies are expected.
New Medications for Women
St. Mon's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
E m p t y N e s t r o g e n
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P e p t o b i m b o
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D u m e r o l
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q., causing enjoyment of country western music.
F l i p i t o r
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
A n t i b o y o t i c s
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
M e n i c i l l i n
Potent anti boyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B u y a g r a
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
J a c k A s s p i r i n
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your anniversary or phone number.
A n t i-t a l k s i d e n t
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
And the best:
D a m i t o l
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
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